i now prounounce you...

the day before the wedding. my house has turned into an insane asylum. people running all over the place, plans turn into non-plans which then have to be re-planned again, and more errands to run than kids on santa's checklist.

the last few days have been nonstop laughs. from spending an entire day with the boys (eating sushi, watching bedtime stories from the front row, bocce ball on the golf course, and stuffing our faces with miguel jr burritos) to listening to pops freak out about his speech to be given tomorrow. for those of you who've been in my life for a while, a lot of you haven't really "met" dad. what you probably don't know is that he has a funny side that can bring the house down anytime. it's just so funny listening to him rehearse over and over, and getting more nervous each time he thinks he made a mistake.

well, tomorrow is the big day for my sis. i love her more than she'll ever know and i can't wait for her to take this next step on her journey to happiness.

be safe tonight and God bless.

another christmas come and gone

christmas day. vegging on the couch with the cousin to michael jackson's moonwalker, basketball games (go lake show!), "a christmas story" on repeat television all day, and macaulay culkin's first time being alone. also, ending the night with a win over mom and aunt in scrabble ain't too bad of a way to go out.

it's funny how when we're younger we can't wait to grow up. yet, when that time arrives, we love the thought of visiting those early years with any item that can make us feel what it's like to be 8 again.

the last 2 days have been an amazing experience. my head is finally back on straight, and i have learned so much about myself. there is nothing like surrounding yourself with family and laughing until you think you may actually pass out. another new year's resolution i decided to tack on the list is to come up with "favorites" (treezy, that's for you) because i've never really actually had any.

during this holiday, it's assumed that everyone should be jolly and well. up til these last 2 days, i can assure you from my own files that things just don't work that way. to those of you that haven't had the best of holidays, my prayers are with you. honestly, i don't know how many read this, but if anyone needs an ear, shoot me a comment and we can start emailing. i can't promise you a miracle, but it helps to let some weight off the shoulders every now and then.

merry christmas to you all, and may God bless you into the new year.

at peace with myself

to: c.a.
from: me

you are blessed with a gift that many do not possess. the ability to listen and comfort with words that are true, yet gentle to one's ailing heart. know that if i can ever repay what you have done for me over our lifetime as friends, i will try to with the best of my ability. i cannot imagine the burden you take on when being there for so many people. just remember that i will always be here for you, even though i may not be a hundredth as good as you on giving advice. may God continue to bless you in more ways than one. you are forever my brother.

school's out

so it's time. coming back home after a month of being away, to say the least, was interesting. with the hustle and bustle of the holidays, spending time with friends and family, and a sibling's wedding right around the corner, it's funny feeling so different in a place i've lived my whole life. not to say that things shouldn't change, but even though i miss a plethora of things, i'm actually really excited to get back to seattle in order to pursue my vision.  also, it will give me the much needed time to grow and work on the little things in my mind that i consider "imperfections".

i've never been one to set new year's resolutions, but i believe that is in order for the 09.

running and reading. i heard an interview with will smith (before i saw seven pounds) and he suggests that if you do these 2 things, that you will have all that you desire. that every person needs a favorite book and a place to run to let your mind escape.

openness. i sometimes think that for an instant, i should blurt out what's on my mind. it's gotten me both good and bad results. i think i just need to be a little more wary as to who i say these things to. there are a few that i can say whatever i want, and i know that you will never look at me differently. i will keep to that list.

give attention to those who are deserving. this will remain unexplained for my own reasons.

so there are a few, in which i'm sure the list will constantly be changing. but as long as the list keeps being refined, i don't find it a failure to edit these self requests.

Seven Pounds

My God. Up to this point in my life, I cannot remember a movie that has moved me more. My soul churned as my heart gave way to a new outlook on life and how I want to be as a person. This day will forever remain a turning point in my world.

May God grant everyone the strength and mercy whenever going through any pain. And in those such times, may we learn to trust that He will pull us through.

My heart is pained, my soul is tired. I am finished living on a one way street.

Merry Christmas from Le Grand Cru

epilogue

so i decided to make this post a very selfish one. but in doing so, that i may close this book and start a new one.

"you're too nice". wowzers. that was the exact quote. at first it made no sense to me. but after opening my ears, i was perplexed at my own situation. i will not bore you with the details of someone unintentionally ripping my insides to shreds, but the gist of it was that i was giving too much of myself and people were taking advantage of it.

NOTE: DUE TO THE SKILL LEVEL OF THE WRITER, AN EXPLANATION IS NEEDED TO CLARIFY. let's make one thing clear before continuing. by me saying "people were taking advantage" the meaning i was trying to give was that i was allowing this to happen to myself rather than people consciously doing so. continue.

don't get me wrong. this isn't some pity party you've all been invited to. i completely appreciate the intent of this person in telling me something like this. i know for a fact this person is looking out for me and even giving me the "no sugar" approach. i mean, the saying "truth hurts" wasn't invented yesterday.

pops said this to me. "mike, most of your friends are going to come out of med/dent/professional school making a good living. if you want that lifestyle, you better work hard now because no matter how good of friends they are, they're not going to pay for your mortgage or your vacations."

tonight, a different friend told me that i have to help myself first. not in the "don't care about other people" sort of way, but take care of me, before taking care of others.

the point of all this? you can decide for yourself. but on this end, lesson learned. no, i'm not going to have a jerry mcguire moment or have some radical change in my personality. i am however going to be a little more cautious and aware about my own well being.

if you think mike should make this change, stay tuned. if he should continue on this path, go to page 89.

(shout out to the old "choose your own adventure" books.)

there is no page 89.

handy works

so this morning, being in my "new" home, i started to think of the family and friends i missed. yeah, i'll be home in a week, but this is the first time i've actually "moved away". so sue me for missing things. anyways, The Man upstairs knew just what i needed. a box with some old treasure: hand written letters.

what's crazy is that some of these were from more than 10 years ago. from post cards halfway around the world to letters that bled with what I thought love meant in those days. sure, i've made new friends since then, but the smell of old paper and ink brought me back to the days i didn’t have to think about what i wrote, but instead what i felt, which makes it seem more pure. these days, with text messages and emails being so quick and to the point, i once again long for the paper folds, the margin doodles, the scent of perfume, and the recognition of your loved ones handwriting.


here are some shots of the finds. and even if the words don't hold the same meaning now as they did back then, they did their job today:

















a couple extra tidbits:


remember when tickets were $5??!??! oh the dates....


and this was a game played in the dorm a couple months into my freshman year at uci. we wore pieces of paper on our back so that other people could write anonymous things they thought about you. the best one i got was "you live here?" proof i'm not a social butterfly

text

my business partner aka "no theft" has really been into text lately. check his blog out under "links". this is for you mr. panigot.

new song by jay-z feat santogold off the new notorious movie soundtrack.

late nights

working for yourself. i could always fathom the idea. how perfect it would be. right now, i'm smack dab in the middle of it. in doing so, i work at random hours. the mind always thinking what i have to do next. back home i never knew what it was like to be alone. not the "cry me a river" sad alone, just being able to sit here at 2 am, looking out the window and letting my mind wander. grant it, the roommate is asleep in the room over, but that's a relationship being built. not the same as being around those you've grown up with. for those of you who read this frequently, you know i just kinda write what's on my mind. and if you do read this consistently, you probably know me well, and if you don't, we should talk more.

before i left, i spoke with my good friend mr alexander. he spoke of how we need to redefine the way we measure success. he told me that the fact that i'm embarking on this ride should be looked at success in itself. many people vie for the opportunity to be able to chase their spark of a dream. when praying, mr alexander said "Lord, let mike know that it doesn't matter if he comes back and only his friends are wearing his shirts, or if he becomes so big, that he forgets about us. let him know that this journey is a success"

i don't know what tomorrow brings. well, aren't you scared mike? yeah, i'm scared. i can admit that. but it's the same feeling that is driving me to work that much harder.

the one thing i do know? i will never forget.